This is Fanny. Fanny lives in sunny Carpinteria, California.

Fanny is old, mostly blind, and she’s got attitude, but Fanny sure knows how to take it easy.

We could all learn a thing or two from Fanny.

This week Costa and I went umbrella shopping on Granville Island at a local, family-owned store, aptly named The Umbrella Shop.

“Just like Papa made them”, read a giant poster on the wall, next to a life-sized photograph of who I assume was Papa himself, touting one of his original hand-made umbrellas with a smile.

The walls of the shop were lined with row upon row of umbrellas of all sizes in a kaleidoscope of colours of patterns.

“Racks of floral chintz umbrellas, frilly parasols, men’s tie prints, and one-of-a-kind hand painted cottons make the shop a colourful feast for the eyes.” – The Umbrella Shop

Costa chose a medium-sized burgundy umbrella with a dark wooden handle. It felt sturdy and opened with ease.

The friendly man who sold us the umbrella (Papa’s grandson, perhaps?) assured us it would be the strongest umbrella we would ever own – guaranteed to never turn inside out even on the windiest of days. Best of all, the umbrella came with a 2-year warranty – if there are any problems we can simply drop it off at the factory nearby and get it repaired for free.

This experience reminded me how grateful I am for the many opportunities we have to purchase goods and services from people who are passionate about what they have to offer, care about building relationships, pay attention to detail, and who value quality, craftsmanship, and experience above all else.

It’s important to notice when you find a product or company that brings you this kind of satisfaction and pleasure. Here’s what I do when it happens:

1) Say thank you. I tell the company that they’ve made a difference for me and I let them know why. Sometimes I’ll offer to write a testimonial if it would be helpful for them.

2) Show loyalty by continuing to purchase from that company, even if it might be less convenient than shopping for lower quality products and experiences elsewhere. (I recently ordered a set of Mighty Tieton notebooks, only available in the USA, to be delivered to a friend’s house in California whom I will be visiting later this week.)

3) Get rid of the old to make way for the new. I pare down my belongings to make room for more of the good stuff.

4) Show loyalty by sharing my discovery with others.

How do you know when you’ve discovered a gem? What do you do when you know?

 For further reading and discussion on this topic, check out today’s piece by Gwen Bell: What to Do When You Discover the Best

Last weekend, Kari and I treated ourselves to deliciously lovely pedicures from Stella while the rains fell hard outside.

There’s nothing quite like discovering bubblegum coloured toenails every morning when you kick your feet out from under the sheets.

It brightens up the rainiest of autumn days.

Sunday October 23rd, 5:17pm. I’m sitting on the couch in my sweatpants, feet up on the coffee table, laptop in my lap. My phone buzzes on the table, an incoming text message.

“It’s over, around an hour ago. She never came back to the surface after this morning.”

The familiar feeling of heaviness, finality, carves a hollow space in my chest. Then, relief.

It’s over.

//

Kaye was my babysitter for the first four years of my life. She lived next door to the first house my parents owned in a rural town outside of Halifax, Nova Scotia. On weekdays Mom and Dad would head off to work in the city and I would spend my days at Kaye’s.

Kaye lived in a dark green house, with colourful wooden butterflies mounted next to the front door, a Block Parent sign in the window. Thick rows of yellow and orange nasturtiums grew along the side of the house. The herbaceous smell of these flowers always transplants me to times when we crouched in the driveway, collecting firm seeds in a bowl. I have no idea what we did with all those nasturtium seeds.

I have many memories of our adventures together, in those first four years of my life:

We played on the backyard swing and went for walks in the woods.
We built imaginary worlds with Tinker Toys, making houses and cars and unusual contraptions created in my mind.
At the breakfast table I ate Honeycombs (a treat because I didn’t get to eat sugar cereals at home), and toasted white bread. Kaye would let me cut up my buttered toast into strips and dip it into the sweet milk that was left in the bowl. She called me a little raccoon. I’m not even sure what she meant, but this memory crosses my mind every time I’m tempted to dip toast in leftover cereal milk.
I took my afternoon naps on Kaye’s living room couch, under a smokey blue sleeping bag lined with rainbow coloured patchwork. I would fall asleep with a glass of warm milk, watching Inspector Gadget or Sesame Street. I felt safe, comfortable, loved.

I remember things about Kaye, too.

She always wore long skirts.
She loved to laugh. She was always in a good mood.
She used expressions like “Gee whiz!”, and “Would you look at that!”
She had the kindest eyes.
She shared everything she had.
She loved her family, very much.
She loved to dance.
She loved me.

//

Kaye was the caregiver every parent dreams of finding. She encouraged me, she loved me, she was patient, she was thoughtful, she was kind.

Kaye sent us a Christmas card every year. We kept in touch by phone, too. She was so proud and excited to hear about my adventures and experiences. We reminisced about old times. I told her how much she meant to me, that I loved her. I thanked her.

I am so glad that I thanked her.

Maggie lives with Sandy (my brother, peeking down from the left) and Kari (his lovely girlfriend). Every time Maggie visits our house she tries to cozy up in my meditation cushions, but she’s just a little bit too big to balance her whole body on top.

Usually, she does a few circles, sits down, falls of the zafu, circles, sits again, falls off, until eventually she gives up and finds respite in a nook in our bedroom. This is the first time Maggie found her pose.

A lesson from Maggie: meditation is always worth it, especially when you’re feeling a little off balance.

“What happens when you give an unspoken wish a place to become a dream come true? How do you gather the courage required to help a new found dream soar?” – Mondo Beyondo

This month I’m participating in a fantastic online course called Mondo Beyondo. Mondo Beyondo is all about transforming our deepest dreams (maybe even ones we don’t know about yet) into practical realities. Finishing my PhD and moving on to a new career in science education and journalism feels like a pretty lofty dream these days, so I figured I could use a little help in the making-dreams-real-and-practical department. My first exercise this week was about evaluating and defining your core values.

“Our dreams take on a new life when we understand how what we long for is shaped by what matters to us the very most.” – Andrea & Jen, creators of Mondo Beyondo 

I always enjoy activities like this because it becomes clear how very easily we can take our deepest values for granted. It’s not often that we stop to really think about them – they’re just part of who we are. It’s also interesting to observe how values can change over time, depending on your experiences.

The core values exercise went something like this:

1. Write down the name of someone you admire. List all of the reasons you admire that person.
2. Repeat for another person. (I continued to repeat for several people – I just have so many admirable folks in my life!)
3. Circle the words and phrases that resonate most for you.
4. Condense the list down to approximately five values.
5. Go deeper. Take your list of values and ask, “What do I mean when I say that?”

Here’s what my answers looked like.

1. Person I admire: Sandy (my brother)

• thoughtful
• open-minded
• loving
• honest
• talented
• musical
• amazing friend and boyfriend
• strong
• intellectual
• athletic
• determined
• caring
• present and mindful
• musical
• hard working
• committed
• great cook
• incredibly fashionable
• laid back and easygoing
• calm
• understanding
• gives great hugs

2. (This post will be massively long if I list admirable qualities for all of the wonderful people I wrote about so I’ll just stick with Sandy for now). 

3. Words that resonated with me or showed up repeatedly in the qualities of people I admire:

• Generous
• Loving
• Passionate
• Thoughtful
• Strong
• Open
• Present
• Positive
• Inspiring
• Creative
• Centred

4. Five values

• Thoughtful & Generous
• Generous
• Inspiring
• Open
• Centred

5. What do I mean by these qualities?

Thoughtful & Generous

• Doing small acts of kindness
• Anticipating others’ needs and desires
• Putting others first (in a healthy way – not a way that undermines the giver)
• Going out of your way for others
• Making others feel loved, acknowledged, and appreciated
• Operating from a space of abundance (there will always be more than enough to go around)
• Giving much of that which costs nothing, and also giving of that which costs something
• Making time for others
• Giving freely in love

Inspiring

• Strong in the face of challenges
• Pursuing ones passions
• Being honest with self and others
• Being courageous
• Being self aware
• Being positive

Open

• Accepting of other points of view and ways of being
• Open with self (self aware)
• Willing to be vulnerable with others

Centred

• Accepting of self, just as you are and just as you aren’t
• Celebrating oneself
• Present
• Focused
• Comfortable with down time
• Self aware
• Showing up fully and doing the work (whatever that work might be)
• Engaging in life practices designed to inspire growth, evolution
• Continuously questioning and growing
• At peace

Creative

• Consistently thinks outside the boxes
• Open and accepting of really crazy new ideas
• Flexible
• Fun, joyful, and adventurous
• Not afraid of failure
• Confident and outgoing, in the face of naysayers and criticism

“By naming your values you create an important avenue for identifying your deepest dreams and ensuring you chart a path that lines up with the most essential parts of you.” – Mondo Beyondo

I’m eager to see how these core values will be reflected in my deepest dreams as Mondo Beyondo unfolds.

Who do you admire most? What about them do you admire? Go and tell them! 

It’s been a few months since the beginning of our cohabitation experiment, and I think Costa and I are starting to get the hang of it. As it turns out, I haven’t had any problems maintaining my personal rituals and finding time for solitude, which I was somewhat concerned about before we moved in together. It helps that Costa usually sleeps in later than I do, so I get some solid meditation and writing time in the mornings.

Maintaining a tidy space hasn’t been so tough either. The trick with this one has been figuring out which chores and household tasks each of us is more naturally inclined to so that we arrive at a division of labour we’re both happy with. (i.e. a division of labour that lends itself to chores actually getting done – without too much nagging).

Learning to mind my own business and to resist the temptation to push my views of how life should work onto Costa has without a doubt been my biggest challenge. But I think I’m making improvements (and so does Costa, which is what really matters in this case). My strategy has two main elements:

1) When I’m tempted to nag or push my own agenda, I take a deep breathe and go find something else to do for a minute, or I think of something nice or encouraging to say.

2) I remind myself how I feel when it occurs that someone else might be trying to push their agenda on me (irritating and style-cramping – yuck!)

This approach has helped me to be mindful and accepting of how others (including Costa) wish to spend their time, even if it’s not the same way I choose to spend mine.

//

A few more lessons I’ve learned about successful cohabitating this summer:

Pick your battles wisely. If you want to be anal about every single thing that doesn’t get done the way you would do it or the way you would like it to be done, you are likely to be bickering with your partner most of the time. If something’s really bothering you that much, just do it yourself.

Play fair. If you have differing opinions about how to go about doing something, give each persons idea a real, honest shot before coming to an agreement on how to proceed. Caution: this may require moving heavy furniture around the house to accommodate a variety of possible arrangements. But coming to a happy consensus will be worth the sweat!

Sharing, sharing, sharing. Remember that you’re sharing resources now. This requires a great deal more forethought and communication than taking care of just yourself. (i.e. Don’t eat the rest of the leftovers that were made for weekday lunches without coming up with something for the other person to eat or asking them what they were planning to take for lunch.)

Practice perspective. Don’t assume that just because one person is working from home, they want or have time to do more chores, errands, and housework.

What strategies or lessons do you follow that make cohabitating a fun and positive experience?  

Big changes are afoot! As I mentioned in my last post, one of the biggest challenges I’ve been facing of late has been in managing a long distance relationship (LDR) with my partner, Costa. I am happy to say that the old LDR has finally (1.5 years later) met it’s demise – Costa will be moving to Vancouver this weekend! While there were definitely positive aspects about the LDR situation for which to feel grateful, I am infinitely more grateful that this period of long haul road trips back and forth to see each other, of having my head in one place and my heart in another, is finally coming to an end.

Along with the excitement and freshness of entering this new phase of our lives comes the predictable spate of concerns and hesitancies, at least for me. (Costa doesn’t seem to be concerned about anything at all, but he’s a guy so I suppose that’s to be expected!) To be honest, I only have a few concerns, but I’m sure they are common to lots of newly cohabitating couples and thus worth sharing.

- Maintaining my morning rituals and personal space and time. I know from plenty of experience that I am most stable and present when I maintain certain practices in my daily life, for example by meditating and writing every morning, following a regular yoga practice, and exercising everyday. I also know that I need to regularly spend time alone and I very much value the benefits of such solitude, for example in helping me to be more present, attentive, calm, and compassionate around others. Costa and I are quite different in this regard – he doesn’t particularly like doing things by himself and would always prefer being with others to spending time alone. Because most of the time that Costa and I have spent together over the past 1.5 years has been on weekends or vacations, I have some small concerns about being disciplined in maintaining my personal practices and creating space for solitude now that we’ll be living together all the time. However, I know that I value the importance of these practices enough to stick with them, regardless of how great the temptation to stay in bed and snuggle might be.

- Maintaining a tidy and organized space. A little bit of backstory is warranted for this one. My dad is the king of clean and tidy. I grew up in an environment that was immaculately organized and clean, and while I kind of appreciated this as a kid, it wasn’t until I was an adult that I grasped how truly valuable creating and maintaining this kind of a zen-like living space can be. I have to say that I wasn’t particularly tidy as a teenager or young person (sorry dad!), but it appears that the clean genes in me were perhaps lying dormant as in the last 2 years I’ve suddenly become almost as obsessive about tidiness as my dad (although not quite – he will always take the cake in that competition). While Costa is a pretty tidy guy, I guess I’m worried about the inevitable ‘stuff’ that comes with an extra person living in the house. My biggest fear of all is random knick knacks and useless clutter – I simply cannot handle the coins and kleenex and receipts and random crap that can accumulate on surfaces around the house, particularly on top of the dresser! This kind of random clutter has the ability to make me short of breath, to send my head spinning into some kind of wacky anxiety attack where I just want to run around the house wielding a giant vacuum and suck it all up in one fell swoop! And don’t even get me started on dirty mirrors. While admittedly I could learn to chill out a little bit about this one, I feel very strongly about the value of living in a tidy and organized space. To me, the state of the space you live in reflects the state of the inner space you are cultivating. I’m sure that with a little team work, good communication skills, and creative clutter management systems, we can create our own little urban Shangri-la.

- Learning to mind my own business and let go. I know that at times, I have a tendency to get more invested than I should in the lives of those around me and, heaven forbid, try to tell them how they should live their lives. I’ve noticed that I usually do this when I’m avoiding dealing with a challenging situation in my own life. In our case, Costa is really incredibly good at prioritizing downtime to relax, chill out, and play, while I am really incredibly good at being active and engaged in tasks from dawn until dusk. Sometimes, when I’m not being present, I prod him to “do” more (often times in the form of more exercise, more projects, etc.). I know this is simply because my ego (the part of me that puts such a high value on accomplishment and achievement) resents his ability to disengage, to be completely happy just being and not accomplishing anything whatsoever. However, the real me values his relaxed approach and attitude and knows that I have much to learn about living the good life from this wise soul. I just have to keep that lizard brain in it’s cage.

To remind us of how happy we are to finally be together, Costa and I have each created a list of things we won’t miss about the old LDR, as well as a list of things we look forward to about living together. We’ve posted it on the fridge to help us keep these items front and centre in our minds and to remember how grateful we are to finally be together!

Did you or do you have any concerns about cohabitating with your current partner? How have you managed to maintain your own practices within the context of your cohabitual partnership?

Have you ever considered how easy it is to feel gratitude towards the positive things in our lives (like loving family, delicious food, living in a great city, having a great bike and a wonderful place to live) while it’s incredibly difficult to turn those feelings of gratitude towards the elements of life we dislike or which we see as obstacles?

Lately I’ve been thinking I could save a lot of time and energy by generating gratitude for the challenges I’m currently facing in life instead of spending so much time and energy wishing they were some other way or constantly trying to change them. The 3 greatest challenges I’m facing at the moment include a chronic injury, a long-distance relationship, and a daunting science writing project. Here are some thoughts of gratitude I’ve come up with for each:

Dear chronic injury,

I am grateful that you have brought my awareness so accutely into my body over the past 12 years. You have helped me to focus on strengthening my core and back muscles which has certainly improved my performance and overall health, and you have warned me when I’m pushing my body too far and next to take a step back and rest. You have taught me never to take my health and my ability to exercise (or even to walk) for granted, and you’ve taught me the hard lesson that in life, there are usualy no magic silver bullets for anything.

Yours in pelvic dysfunction,

Jody

_______________________________________________

Dear long-distance relationship,

Thank you for giving me the space to enjoy this year of my life living in a beautiful studio on my own, focusing on my own goals and desires and spending so much valuable time alone getting comfortable with myself. Thank you for teaching me how much I care about Costa and how much I am willing to give in order to be with him. Thank you for emphasizing the need for me to practice patience and trust in the process of life.

See you on the road,

Jody

_______________________________________________

Dear daunting science review,

What can I say, you are the single biggest challenge I think I’ve ever undertaken on my own. Thank you for providing this opportunity to really push myself beyond what I know myself to be capable of, and to learn to trust and believe in my abilities as a scientist and a writer. Thank you for showing me how badly I want to write (well), and for opening my eyes to the unpredictable and challenging nature of writing. Thank you for giving me this opportunity to find my voice.

To the page and beyond,

Jody

What challenges in your life could you choose to be grateful for today? What would you say to them, in gratitude?

Photo credit: Let Ideas Compete

Image courtesy Georgia, of http://www.chrisroberson.net

With World Water Day and Earth Hour both happening this week, I’ve been reflecting on the personal actions I’ve made towards cutting down my impact on our planet over the past few years, and looking forward to additional changes I intend to make. While these actions may seem small, it will be the sum of our individual choices that gets us out of the mess we’ve made. Choosing to believe in and consciously live a sustainable lifestyle of “less is more” is the key.

I’ve committed to making at least two significant environmentally conscious lifestyle changes per year – significant in that they must actually be somewhat of a challenge to achieve. The most gratifying aspect about committing to any lifestyle choice is simply exercising our ability to choose. We live very privileged lives in that we can easily obtain information about a topic, reflect and assess this information in relation to our own values, then make choices and take action in how we will live our lives as a result.

Looking for a small challenge to get started in exercising choice? Here are some places to begin:

• Stop consuming coffee/tea from disposable paper cups and only use a travel mug or an in house ceramic mug. Seriously – if I don’t have my mug with me and I’m on the run, I will opt out of a hot drink. This means I almost never forget my mug anymore! (Did you know that most paper coffee cups are made of 90% new paper and are NOT recyclable due to the plastic resin coating? Every year, 20 million trees are cut down and 12 billion gallons of water are consumed in the process of manufacturing paper cups. 58 billion cups are then thrown away (not recycled) each year. The disposable coffee cup has become a symbol of consumerism gone completely out of control. Source: Betacup)
• Stop consuming from single-use plastic containers including bottled water, bottled juices, etc. (Heard of the EVERY ocean gyre?? Bone up on your plastic facts here. Scary stuff. And make sure to watch the spectacular documentary Addicted to Plastic.) On that note…
• Start purchasing milk in glass bottles. It’s amazing how much plastic this can save, not to mention it just feels quaint and wholesome pouring milk out of a glass bottle. Many companies (including Avalon, if you live in the lower mainland of B.C.) even have home delivery options! Bring on the ‘50s!
• Get informed on your curb-side recycling program and make sure you’re following the rules. I started taking all of my tetra packs (mostly soy milk, almond milk, and orange juice cartons) to the Return-It centre to be recycled, since British Columbia has yet to allow tetra packs in it’s curb-side recycling plan. (Do you know what’s included and what’s not in your roadside recycling plan? If you live in Vancouver check it out here.)
• Compost! Even if you live in an apartment building, you can get a small, stink-free compost container and empty it into the curb-side yard waste pick up. You’ll be amazed how much garbage you save by composting.
• Start commuting by bicycle. This year I committed to cycling to work full time, rain or shine. I bought a great little commuter bike and got it all set up with panniers and fenders to make this a more enjoyable and comfortable endeavour. Not only do I get to work refreshed and rejuvenated from spending some quality time outside my sweat on, but I don’t have to deal with the frustration of unreliable bus schedules or paying for gas and parking. An added bonus- I seem to get my best ideas for writing when I’m pedalling around town!
• This year, my big challenge will be to cut down my shower times. I recently read a stat on Earth Hour TONIGHT (Saturday, March 26th) – turn out your lights from 8:30-9:30pm PST and enjoy a little peace and quiet by candlelight!

  Want to get make some conscious changes but still have questions? Feel free to comment below or contact me via Twitter @jodyjwright.

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